& that you deserved something better
Monday, July 25, 2011 @8:18 PM
hey.
gosh.
I was just thinking.
and really.
I suck.
I mean, I'm not good at anything.
I'm not smart, I'm not funny.
the things I used to think I was good at,
well I'm not good at them at all.
I lack self confidence, I'm insecure.
and all along, I've just been living in denial.
I'm just average at everything,
or worse.
I'm just one in a million trillion billion.
what got me to start thinking of all this, I don't know.
I've just lost all motivation to continue fighting on.
what's the point anyway.
gah now I feel so demoralised.
too demoralised to do physics.
and I wonder. why I try so hard.
why I try so hard to be perfect.
why I compare myself with others.
I am my own worst enemy.
I'm just tearing myself apart.
why can't I just be myself.
I hate pretending.
yet I can't seem to stop doing so.
it's my own bloody fault.
argh.
where is my faith.
on a brighter note,
the past week was alright I guess.
ohhhh O level CL LC last tuesday.
hahaha it's played on radio.
how cool is that.
hmmm
today I went with BQ, Ethel, Claire, Amanda to clementi mall for lunch.
haha okay it was funny (:
ohh my I just realised I've been blogging only mondays only the past few posts.
oh wow.
hm I got addicted to a book on saturday.
read for hours and couldn't put the book down omg.
almost finished the whole book.
except it's not finished yet.
wanted to read later but I haven't finished my physics homework.
ohhh welll.
went to TA to sing with choir on sunday after church.
it's the 4th sunday.
haha.
then T3 after that (:
free from TCC.
hahaha.
the movie was nice (:
though I didn't really get the start.
haha.
oh okayokay I should go already.
my physics is calling me.
byees(: