& I'm holding on tight.
Monday, August 8, 2011 @6:53 PM
hey.kay the last few days have been really crazy.
so many things have happened, so many things have changed.
anywayyyy,
tomorrow is national day!
singapore's gonna be 46.
I think.
and we have holidays :D
tomorrow and wednesday.
today also no lesson (:
but come back on thursday have test already.
chemistry.
ah.
anyway.
the past few days were... I don't know.
friday was pretty good.
or so I thought.
or so I remember.
saturday there was a band performance at telok blangah cc.
went out to do homework with Maye then had lunch with her and BQ,
then yeah we went for band :D
it was fine till something happened at some point of time.
and that was when my world started falling down.
sunday I was epicly late.
had to reach church by 830am for choir presentation,
but I overslept by half an hour.
that's not the point.
I got ready in less than 10 minutes,
but my family were freaking slow.
by the time we left the house, it was 815 already.
then we had breakfast outside,
but I forgot something really important that I needed or there wouldn't have been a point of rushing so much,
[I don't think you get what I mean but whatever]
so I went home again, by the time I left house,
it was 850.
and service starts at 9.
how wonderful to start a day.
worst thing was,
I had a nighmare that morning.
as in, before I woke up.
sigh.
anyway, it was my church's 122 anniversary :D
one year younger than fairfield,
somemore the dates so close.
then...
more stuff happened,
at that point I would have just broken down given the privacy,
but no I'm not allowed to close the door or anything,
so I tried not to.
everything was just falling apart.
I was hopeless than,
and still am now.
I'd give up if I could.
I'm sick of life.
what's the point when every single say you're made to suffer
and everyday's the same,
it's just something you can't escape from.
I'm starting to think it's just my fate,
I'm never meant to be happy,
not until I die and go to heaven,
which is what I really want now.
but that's not the way of course.
I know I've gone through this phase one of the previous years and I got over it,
but I'm sick of this.
it just keeps repeating and repeating.
at that point I felt though everything I had,
my entire world was snatched away from me in just a span of two days.
amazing isn't it?
anyway, sunday night things seemed to get better but now I'm still stuck with my negative feelings and I guess I can't get over it just yet.
ah.
today had to wake up at 540am though I woke up about 10 minutes late but I still made it.
band.
we played for school NDP.
oh yay.
the last part was the best, when we played other songs that weren't required, conducted by our very own student conductor, Jamie Loo.
then, I went with Maye, KT, BQ, Emily, Joaquim, Amanda to ikea.
ikea for the second time.
didn't really know how to order or what so hm.
BQ and I ordered like way too much.
haha.
freaking full after that.
then we walked around and camwhored on the beds and furniture and soft toys hahaha it was epic fun.
but then again there I was stuck in my little own world.
maybe it was the events of the previous days that have affected me
but yeah I guess I retreated into my own little shell again.
ah damn.
wasted opportunities.
then again, I don't think there was anything I could do about it.
I'm still lonely, I guess.
anyway.
here I am at home,
typing away.
sometimes I get lost in the novel of salem falls,
then I stop and reality drops on me like a bombshell.
sucks.
if only I could be stronger.
if only I would stop retreating into my past, again and again.
maybe all this would have been better.
I guess I don't regret anything,
or at least I didn't use to,
cause if whatever happened didn't happen, I wouldn't be who I am now right?
yet now I'm not very happy so I'm regretting.
still regretting.
but then, there was nothing I could ever do about it.
nothing I could ever do.
I've always been like that,
and I think I'll always be.
I need to move on.
I'm just clinging on to the hope that one day,
maybe finally one day,
everything will be alright.
oh well.
k I don't know why I'm writing like this, but this is just what's going on in my head right now.
ah.
time for dinner.
byees(: