cause i love you

& I fall a thousand feet per second
Sunday, January 29, 2012 @11:10 PM

hey.
long time no blog /:
busybusy.
last time I blogged was the start of the year lol.
see how busy sec 4 is?
k nevermind maybe you don't see.
whatever.

ahfiushgkushrgkKHJFgfskjgks why am I so shitty now.
K POSITIVE ATTUTUDE.
SO.
school is just tiring.
the first 3 weeks were wonderfully awesome.
the best I had in a long long time.
but.
gone.
like the wind.
dissipated like an episode in a spring dream.
gone.
whatever.
everyone's bound to leave me eventually.
whatever.
just. go.
I'm tired.
sick and tired of having my happiness snatched away in an instant.
I always realise that everything's fine blah blah,
then it gets better and better until the peak,
then
crash
it all comes falling apart.
I'm used to it.
just go.
I'll survive.

I wonder how long I can last before I break apart again.
everything's falling apart at the seams.
I refuse to let go.
but I'm afraid I can't hold it much longer.
I just don't want to lose hope again.

but it's inevitable.

I'm afraid.
scared.
fearful.

shfkFHkjsedoGklksgjlksdjgiso;jlkfgsk why this negativity.
I'M FINE I'M FINE I'M FINE
everything will be alright eventually.
right?
I hope so.

sucks.
tomorrow there's a HCL compo test.
first period.
qing jing wen.
OH SERIOUSLY DID I MENTION HOW I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO WRITE THAT KIND.
I'm doomed.

gosh I think I'm going mad.
oh yeah I went to penang with my family during CNY,
16h drive /:
cause of traffic jam.
did some homework in the car lol.
read too.
haha.
set off at 630am,
reached the hotel place at about 10pm.
so all our extended family was there already,
2 grandparents,
6 uncles and aunts,
and 10 cousins.
plus 2 maids lol.
haha.
so my sisters and I slept in the same apartment as the other girl cousins.
hmm.
the next day we went out to some places to look.
dinner at some restaurant with even more extended family.
the next day it was kinda 'free time'.
so we slept in and then went to the beach,
the place is nice (:
from my room right beside my bed,
there's a balcony overlooking a beach.
so if I open the curtains I can see the sea :D
ah I love it.
so we played at the beach a few hours.
mainly with the sand.
made a... hill thingy and a moat surrounding it.
haha it was fun.
my mother got reeaaalllyyyy sunburnt.
the tan lines are really obvious.
like black and white.
seriously.
my sisters not so bad.
but me, none at all (:
I don't know why either but yeah haha.
probably cause I was already slightly dark to begin with.
hmmm.
got wet anyway.
then dinner.
lol dinner is always a few hours away.
that night and the previous night too.
a few hours drive. I appreciate how near things are in singapore.
all of us went to some other relative's house with even more extended family which I don't even recognise lol.
after dinner we went back.
all those nights I slept late doing my homework.
where else was I gonna find time?
so the next day we set off home.
left so early that we didn't get to say bye but oh well.
the drive wasn't as long.
good thing.
so yeah went home. blah.
no more sea views.
no more escaping reality for a few moments more.
I'll just have to take it as it comes then.

expecting the worst tomorrow.
so that I won't be disappointed.
but yeah.
even so, I hope I'll be able to stay strong through it all.

oh yeah.
went to seoul garden with Maye and BQ again (:
like how we did last year.
but no more squid ):
it was the best thing...
ah well.
AHHA my watch broke.
the strap.
but it's still working so I can't bear to throw it away yet.
so I taped it up.
not bad, still usable.
just unsightly.
ah well.
took neoprints <3
reached home like at 7pm lol.
so yeah it was nice (:

I'll just live in denial if it's all it takes to not fall.
I was wondering if I should stay till midnight since tomorrow's...
but I guess it won't make a difference.
it won't cause people to remember anyway.
but now it looks like I have to cause well it's so late already and there are things I still have to do.
hmmm.
ah well.
oh freak test tomorrow ):
I don't want.
but it's not like it'll change anything.
zzz.
k.
so.
I hope next week will be alright.
don't think I'll be blogging very often.
busy.
ah okay.
byees (:

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