& thinking
Saturday, December 14, 2013 @8:32 PM
I was suddenly just thinking
mind you, I don't do that a lot these days because
thinking makes people sad
I've given in to living in denial
okay, not exactly in a 'oh, what a pretty day I'm so happy I have no worries or cares at all!' way
but more like a push-them-aside-and-don't-even-think kind of way
but anyway, I was thinking
and I started wondering
questioning
the very purpose of my existence
I mean like, why am I doing meaningless things such as homework?
why do I wake up and read and watch dramas and do homework and eat and go back to sleep?
what is the point of all this?
homework won't give the people on the streets food
it won't give shelter to the homeless
it doesn't clothe those little kids without clothes
how meaningless
dy/dx = 5x^2/37687sin60 isn't gonna help anybody
then I started analysing the things that I do
well right at that point, I was washing dishes
and I thought, hmmm that's fine!
means my dad doesn't have to wash this
and I thought about me reading and watching dramas
hmmm it doesn't help anybody
but I guess it makes me happy
so it's okay
and I thought about doing homework
wait
first order reactions aren't gonna help me do anything
I have lived just fine without knowing of it's existence
hmmm
pointless
stupid
why am I studying so that I'll go to uni and study somemore and then go work and slug my ass of doing things I don't enjoy?
stupid
meaningless
ugh
but I have to do homework if not I'll fall behind
and I suppose if I fall behind I can't really graduate
and get out of doing such meaningless things
so I guess I have to do my homework after all
hmmmm
oh well
but the thing is,
I realised that people don't live for themselves
or else it's absolutely pointless to live in the first place
people live to impact the lives of others
and the others impact our lives
and we impact each other's lives
it's like some sort of exchange, y'know?
think about the lonely scrooge.
he has a big huge million dollar house
and million dollar things
and million dollar days
but no one to share it with
heck, he doesn't want to share
that's why there was no one in the first place
so what's he gonna do with all the million dollar stuff?
throw it away?
pointless
he might make himself happy
only himself
then what impact does he have on the world then?
what's the point of him being in the world?
okay I'm being a little mean to that poor ole hypothetical guy
but really, isn't it true?
I just had such a revelation over washing dishes
WOW
and so I thought about my life
it's pointless studying and doing work and all
UNLESS
I use this knowledge to change someone else's life
or I use it to glorify God's name
and then I realised
isn't that what I've been praying about all along?
praying for God to use me to bring His glory unto this world
and I pray that almost everyday
but recently I realised that I was just reciting
it wasn't a wholehearted prayer anymore
and this
it just made me realise
what I should be doing
with my life
perhaps my purpose on this earth
could be something more
and I knew this
I knew this
but somehow in the midst of life
I had forgotten
well
now I know
I guess I know more
I guess I could spend my time more wisely now
hmmm
me pushing away some activities to do others?
perhaps I could make better choices now
hmmm
perhaps
and oh well!
holidays are disappearing so quickly ):
I shall get back to my tasks
but before that
a thankyou to my anonymous :) in the chatbox :')
I only just saw it
and hehe thanks so much for your encouragements ^^
I have an idea who that might be
but I'm not sure
but anyway :') thanks :')
and with this
I shall be off now
:)